This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
