I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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