That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize