what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
