So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize