I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
