Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
