you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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