It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
