Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
