thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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