so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
