If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your cock deserves a montage
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
