Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
