I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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