problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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