She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
