5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize