my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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