If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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