remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
