sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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