it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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