I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize