You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
