We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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