Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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