i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
