I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
