Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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