That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
