so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
