3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize