Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
