It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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