doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
