as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize