Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
