where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
