She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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