I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
