having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
