Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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