I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
