I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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