you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
