i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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