I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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