before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
