Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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