butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
