So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
