I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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