We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He felt like a one man threesome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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