The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
