escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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