Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
