do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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