i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
