This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
