I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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