last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
