dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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