ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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