He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
did you just send me my own nude
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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