he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
