Umm I'm too high to move.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
