So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
smell my finger.
it's like iHOP with fire
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
