Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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