You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
