Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
