i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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