mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
