After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
