why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
