he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
