I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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