If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
