This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
