I hate all girls vehemently.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
