is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
