Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How does it feel to date your dad?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
