I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
