hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want to make a zoo with you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
