Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
