friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
