Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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