Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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