there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
