And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
