Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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