It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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