just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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