So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
