dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
