I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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