Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
