why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
