so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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