I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
