but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
