Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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