So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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