Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize